The experience of two worlds, not colliding, but melting into one another on a windy Tuesday afternoon crawls across my skin – a black shadow whispering words I have not heard in a long time. Today is disconcerting to say the least, I feel watched. Like the lyrics in that song “that’s me in the spotlight/ losing my religion” I am lost. I stiffen at the assurance that God is not here. Near the highway, watching cars to the ambient chords of Zero7, I am alone. Why? “Because faith is a gift I do not have today.” My lament is not “God, O God, why have you forsaken me?”, but “the body of Christ has been diagnosed with cancer and is attacking its own cells! What went wrong?!” We fear the world, we fear each other, and we fear God. To quote Star Wars “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.” My skin prickles as the whispers continue, growing in conviction and strength, declaring that God is religion and the failure of one consequently entails the demise of the other. To resolve the immaterial with the material begs Descartes’’ historic riddle, yet, despite my inability to grasp how spirit can affect matter I find an uncomfortable phrase heavy on my lips – uncomfortable in the label that it carries. Awkwardly I whisper “In the name of Jesus Christ, leave me alone.” Silence, and then the shadow lifts. Niggling doubts attempt to explain away my sudden release as the psychological placebo of a coping mechanism. I am scattered and unsure. However, “One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!" (John 9:25)
